My Holiday Road

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Last year, my daughter and her hubby invited me on a family vacation.  The plan involved driving from Dallas to Branson, MO.  There, we stayed in a nice resort, saw much beautiful country and almost went mad coping with two unhappy children.  They hated riding in the car, so they tortured each other for the entire trip.  When the volume from their third row seats became unbearable, the folks in the front seat merely turned up the radio, drowning the mayhem in the far back seats.  In the middle row, I sat next to a cooler.  It was not much company, but I did not mind until a thorough search revealed not a single adult beverage in the container.  I was doomed to endure a 10-hour ride with demonic sounds fore and aft in a state of complete sobriety.  It was a glimpse of Hell.

On Saturday, last, I returned home, satisfied that we enjoyed the best possible family vacation.

This year, the vacation included some important changes.  Number one was cars.  I took mine and they drove theirs.  Second, we stayed in rooms at opposite ends of the motel.  It was mercifully quiet.  Third, Grandfather has an injured back, which bought me a pass on any heavy lifting (grandchildren).  All these changes made a large difference.  I have old friends in San Antonio and reconnected with two of the best.  I re-introduced my daughter and son-in-law and the two grandchildren.  Surprisingly, everyone behaved himself or herself.  It left me wondering what happened to my real family. 

We enjoyed authentic Tex-Mex food, great conversation and even visited the Witte Museum across the street from the restaurant.  It was a good day.

The dolphin show at Sea World was great, too.  It had elements of “Circ d’ Soleil”, a Beluga Whale, trained tropical birds and, yes, a corps of Pacific White Sided Dolphins.  The children were transfixed and I appreciated the show to the fullest.

The thing about Sea World is its size.  It is immense.  The other thing about Sea World is the heat and humidity.  By noon, the temperature was over 90 and the humidity was up there, too.  After a couple of hours, our team was completely dehydrated and on the verge of collapse.  We did the only sensible thing:  We made a desperate dash for the motel, specifically, the showers, bar and swimming pool, not necessarily in that order.  All our problems resolved.  I even got out for a quick session of sun and swim before the longish journey home.  Next time, we will go in mid-October.

Heavy use of air conditioning,   a stoked iPod and magnificent scenery eased the stress of the 5+-hour drive home.  I arrived, walked into the house and collapsed into the most delightful nap/coma I have had in years.

I believe all had a good time.

Should you ever be confronted with an opportunity to travel with family, especially small children, you may wish to reread this publication and make note of any survival tips you find.  As an alternative, watch all the National Lampoon’s “Vacation” movies – and memorize them. 

You will thank me (or Chevy Chase) later.

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