The Worst Western

….

I enjoyed a wonderful visit with my old friend Ron and his wife, Kathy in La Jolla last evening. Ron and I are of an age that permits us to tell long, rambling stories with uncertain ends. As a result, it was bedtime before Ron threw me out of his house. I did not mind. He was out of beer, anyway. Naturally, I sought shelter in the nearby Best Western Motel.

I have spent hundreds, if not thousands of nights in Best Western Motels over three decades. I have moderate expectations of them, but a generally positive feeling toward the chain, except for this one.

I drove to the Best Western Inn by the Sea in La Jolla and crashed for the night. I could not make the heat work. I just pulled up the blanket and was gone.

It seemed like I slept for only a few minutes before my eyes opened. The little red numbers on the clock said 5:30 a.m. Perfect! I would get an early start.

Stumbling into the bathroom, I flipped the wall switch. “Oh no! I’ve gone blind,” I thought.

No lights came on. I called the front desk and they send a well-mannered technician to change the lights. He brought the wrong size. When he came back later, he had two fluorescent tubes. He stuck them in the fixture and fiddled with them for a few minutes. It was becoming very clear I would be shaving in the dark this morning.

The tech left to find a new fixture. I think he was going to Home Depot.

No matter, he did manage to get the heat running. That meant I would not be getting any frost on my pumpkin when I stepped out of the shower. There was light and heat in the bath, so I hopped in and turned on the water.

Drip, drip, trickle went the showerhead. I wrestled with it for a while before deciding I would simply take the best shower I could with the moisture available. It took well over half an hour. When I turned off the water, it leaked more out the spigot than I had to wash in.

Okay, I was awake, cleaned and miraculously uncut from my shaving experience. I headed out for the free breakfast. Three men came out of the room as I arrived.

“Is there anything good on the menu? I asked.

They looked at each other blankly. “Well, it IS food,” said one without enthusiasm. He was right. No one actually went down with his or her face in the plate, so I count breakfast a success.

In the end, I packed and left as quickly as I could. I had a large day ahead of me.

Then, the little receipt on the dashboard reminded me of the $12 charge I paid to park on the hallowed grounds of this fun house motel. When I questioned the silly charge, the man behind the desk said, “You must remember, THIS is La Jolla,” as if that explained everything. To me it sounded more like “Remember, we are all money grubbing thieves!”

Tonight, I am in Fresno. Yes, I am in a Best Western. I already checked and the heat, water and lights work. I am already ahead, and there’s no “parking fee.”  I am a wee bit concerned about the Tatoo Parlor next door.  Nobody's perfect.

Now, to sleep. Tomorrow, I try to find Highway 1 at Fortuna, CA. Wish me luck!

I am reminded this is all part of the adventure I signed up for all those days ago.

What was I thinking!?!

…