The 405

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The news of the temporary closure of the 405 in California has reached even the most remote backwaters of the country, including DeSoto, Texas.  Frankly, I do not fully grasp the urgency, but I did appreciate the Colbert Report video analysis of the problem, suggesting an alternate route.

I have driven the 405 from end to end many times.  My impression is the thoroughfare spends half the time closed, anyway.  The other half of the time, it runs at half speed.  Under the worst conditions, my journeys on the 405 seldom required more than 24 hours to complete.  How much worse could it get?

In Dallas, I-35, “The NAFTA Highway” is the same.  Each morning at rush hour, accidents and other catastrophes regularly stop traffic.  Since the trouble centers on rush hours, I do not complain.  I am no longer in any kind of rush.  I-35 is the major freeway crossing the gut of Dallas County.  It closes twice per day, once in the morning and again in the afternoon for about five hours each time.

By some coincidence, I had an appointment last week at midday.  I thought I was lucky to be travelling in the brief window when “35” was relatively safe.  I breezed to my appointment and chose the same route home as I enjoyed on my way out.  This time I was not so lucky.  I averaged about 4 miles per hour for the next 90 minutes.  I had to squelch several attacks of frustration and exasperation.  Fortunately, I stopped carrying firearms in my car years ago.  I knew I would crack one day and I took precautions to avoid a long rest in our state prison.  In retrospect, it was a wise decision.  The cause of the delay was an eighteen-wheeler’s engine blowing apart at a choke point known as “The Mixmaster.”  As I crept past, I saw various engine parts scattered in a long puddle of black oil.  It was gruesome!

Arriving home, I tuned in the national news, only to learn the fate of southern California and the 405.  I sympathize and I have some advice.  Throw your car keys in the toilet and make as many large Margaritas and Martinis as it takes to keep you off the street.  You can buy food and toilet paper on Monday, if necessary.

If you have a loaded gun, unload it and give it to a neighbor until the crisis passes.

Then again, I suppose some Californians would not even notice a little extra inconvenience as long as they could stay in their automobiles.

I am very curious to hear from West Coast readers about how they coped with this threat to western civilization, as we know it.  So do not be shy.  How did you manage, really?

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