Enter the Tooth Fairy

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My telephone buzzed one afternoon last week.  It was my grandson, William, on the other end.  He is six years old.

“Hello,” I offered cheerily.

“Gwand faver, I wost a toof!”  The excited voice said.

“That’s great.  Where did you lose it?”

“Just a few seconds ago.”

“Uh, Congratulations!  I am sure you will have a visit from the tooth fairy tonight.”

In the background, I began hearing a wailing sound.  Even though it was hard to hear William over the screeching, it sounded as if it were coming from far, far away and gradually getting closer.  William and I chatted a while and said goodbye before his Mom got on the line.

“Sounds like someone is unhappy,” I offered.

“It’s Sophia,” my daughter replied.  “She’s upset because William lost a tooth.”

“Odd,” I thought.  “Maybe she wanted to be the one to knock it out?”

At that moment Sophia, four, arrived at the telephone.

She screamed “I’M MAD!” into my ear.  Ah, a precious moment had arrived.  It seemed she was miffed that her brother would be meeting with the Tooth Fairy that very evening and she couldn’t go too.  I wondered, “Who wudda thunk it.”

“Don’t worry, Princess, your teeth will soon fall like rain.”  I tried to comfort her.

She was having none of it and returned the phone to her mother.  The set-your-teeth-on-edge wail slowly faded into the background.

The conversation ended soon after.  My daughter had to rush into the kitchen for a headache reliever.  Whatever she took, she earned it.

The next morning, I rang up my daughter.

“Just calling to check up on you,” I said.  “I hope the Tooth Fairy showed up alright.”

“Yes, the Tooth Fairy arrived right on schedule; she answered,“ and left William three dollars.”

“What do you plan to do with his first lost tooth?”  I expected something like “Have it mounted on a marble plinth and placed in a museum.”  What I got was:

“Oh, William wanted to keep the tooth, so we wrote a note explaining that the Fairy could have the next one.  We placed the note under his pillow at bedtime.”

“So, William went into debt to the Tooth Fairy and mortgaged his next tooth as collateral?”

“Well, that might be one, demented way to look at it.”  She replied. “William even gave one of his dollars to his sister so she would not feel left out.”

“And he is paying hush money to his sister? Cool!”

I admit I was a little flabbergasted at first.  Now, I see the light.  Children are much more complicated now than when I was among their ranks.  They understand political power by age four and negotiate with the supernatural by six.  At that age, I dreamed of living with The Three Stooges.

Now, I hope I live to learn where this leads.  I anticipate the return of “William the Conqueror” and an “Empress Sophia” in the next decade or so.  Be forewarned…

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