The Day Hell Froze

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I am not a big fan of professional sports, period. Cheering for the pros feels like cheering for a multi-national insurance conglomerate or investment bank. The pros exist for the money. Ho hum.

I have an active dislike for some pro sports teams. The Texas Rangers earned my eternal contempt when they moved to my State. They arrived from Washington, D.C., where they were the Senators and moved into a shabby stadium in Arlington, Texas. At the same time, I was working a day job in Dallas and commuting to Arlington for graduate studies five nights per week. It never failed that game traffic snared me each way. The return trip was the worst. I was exhausted from a full workday and suffering from brain-melt when classes adjourned around ten p.m.

I often sat fuming in the post game “rush” for an extra hour. It seemed they played more home games at night than necessary. Thus, I came to detest the team individually and collectively during my years in graduate school.

Their record did not justify much respect, either. I came to know the team as “Texas Stranglers” for their uncanny ability to choke by the All Star break. They never even looked like a professional team. I developed a routine for those rare occasions I went to the stadium to watch them lose in person. As soon as I got to my seat, I ordered a large beer and a hot dog. I gobbled the hot dog and slurped the beer. Then I settled back in my seat and closed my eyes. Sometimes, I could fall asleep before they introduced the teams. The warm Texas sunshine felt good and the drone of reports from the stadium announcer put me in a coma for the duration. I had some anxious moments on a few occasions when I awoke in an empty stadium but overall I enjoyed the game.

Then, last week the unthinkable happened. The Stranglers won the American League Pennant. Even more astonishing, they trounced the Yankees to do it. Yikes! I know we live in strange, interesting times, but this is going too far. The only thing I can think of to explain this aberration is that God is setting them up for even greater humiliation in the World Series. I shall avert my eyes from these games to preserve my sanity, such as it is.

Still, it would be unfair of me to deny the team’s accomplishments this year. Therefore, for the balance of the season, I offer my sincere wishes for success to the Texas Rangers.

They can begin next season as “Stranglers,” so they will have something to strive toward.

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