Adventure Rich Times

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As I type, the skies are dark gray and winds howl around the doors and windows. There is a creek behind the place, about 120 feet west and 15 feet below my property level. Normally a trickle, today, I can hear water rushing to the sea from the comfort of my den. Pretty cool, eh? It is a perfect day for a murder, or possibly telling a story.

My recent life is an adventure rich environment. Here is an example.

Over a month ago, I noticed my electric lights flickered from time to time. I thought little of it. The temperature outdoors was hovering around 105, so I guessed the local utility was having trouble meeting the demand. As days passed, the flickering became more frequent. Then, I noticed the problem persisted into the relatively cool evening, too. So much for my supply and demand theory.

It is only fair to mention I learned everything I know about electricity from Mr. Wizard on TV, back in the 50s. Still, I took it as a personal challenge to diagnose and repair the problem. Day after day, I studied the pattern of flickers’ time and duration. I suspected one or more of my antique appliances were having an internal meltdown and I was determined to discover which one(s) it might be. I exempted the dishwasher, clothes washer and refrigerator, which I replaced in rapid succession last winter.

As days turned into weeks, I began living more and more of my life in the dark. Through scientific experimentation, I eliminated each appliance, one by one. (Buzz, Pop! Arrgh!) I narrowed the possibilities to two. First, there might be a problem with the service coming to the house. The man from the utility checked the current at my meter and said “Nope. It ain’t us.”

The other possibility was too awful to contemplate. Years ago, I searched the internet for “antique, possibly dangerous, circuit breakers no longer in production” to find replacements for some failed breakers. Lucky for me, there was a museum of electrical switches and breakers only thirty miles away. I drove over there and asked for the size and model breakers I needed. The person behind the counter began laughing uncontrollably.

“Did I say something funny?” I asked.

“Wheeze! Hey, Albert, come see this!” The man gasped.

Albert thought I was hilarious, too. Then, I got the bill. I might have teared up a bit, but I paid their price a sulked all the way home.

Now, I relived the anguish of that long ago experience as I realized the trouble was probably inside the breaker panel.

“Aw, shit.”

No matter.  I was determined to fix this. Then, the air conditioning stopped. In an instant, the problem moved from an academic exercise to a matter of life and death. I am a grown man, experienced in the ways of the world, so I knew exactly what to do.

“Hello, Marriott?” I said into the phone.

Next time, I will tell you the rest.