Small Adventures I

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Those of you who were squeamish about my motorcycle adventures will rejoice when you learn of last week’s safari. I hope you enjoy something a bit more domestic.

Last week, daughter was busy at work at the same time the pre-kindergarten and Baby Prison (Mother’s Day Out) closed for the season. She needed a surrogate for a few days and I signed-up. What else could I do?

Early on the first day, I travelled to Fort Worth, arriving hungry. After we got Mommy out the door, the g’children and I prepared English muffins with butter and jelly. The children wolfed them down like starving dogs. Then, we adjourned to the lovely backyard for some bright sunshine and fresh air. We rode the tiny rollercoaster and threw the Frisbee. Grandson built houses for tiny cavemen from stone and twigs, while granddaughter and I kicked the soccer ball back and forth. Eventually, I stepped in the only dog poop in the lawn. Borrowing a stick from the caveman house, I spent the rest of the time scrapping the sole of my shoe and making retching noises.

At lunchtime, we went inside for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Granddaughter had hers sans peanut butter due to a possible allergy to peanuts. After lunch, we retired to the den for story time and light rough housing.

Grandson built another caveman cave, this time from sofa cushions and blankets. I believe he will grow up to be an architect or a cave dweller. If the economy does not improve, he could be both. Naturally, granddaughter wanted to play inside the new cave, but there was a problem. There was no “door.” As grandfather, I helped install a door in the stack of cushions and both children scampered inside. Almost immediately, they scampered back out.

“It’s dark in there,” they complained.

I found a flashlight and handed it to granddaughter. “Here, use this,” I advised.

She accepted the light and turned it on. Then, holding the torch high and pointing the beam at her face, she made a sweeping gesture as she announced

“LAY DEES AND GENTLEMEN …”

I believe she will soon appear on a stage or in a theatre near you.

It was about this time we discovered the wrapper from the stick of butter on the floor in the living room.

“Uh, what’s this” I asked the children?

“Oh, Shelby [one of the two resident dogs] ate the butter,” They advised.

“I don’t think Mommy is going to like that,” I muttered to no one in particular. “Let’s hide the evidence.”

I got blank stares.

“Okay, let’s put the chewed-up wrapper in the trash,” I suggested.

“Ooh,” was the knowing answer. The children hid the evidence.

Later, the children’s favorite programs came on the television. I tuned the TV to “Stun” and all was quiet.

All I could say was “Thank God!”