Appliance Wars

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Remember, just before Christmas my refrigerator quit. At 20 years of age, I thought it was just getting good. After all, when I was 20, I was just getting good. So, I got a new fridge under the most stressful circumstances imaginable (See Christmas in the Key of Eek). When I returned home from a rush trip to New Mexico, I found the clothes washer had gone “toes up.” Before I could even get it repaired the dishwasher began failing. Crikes! For the past two weeks, I enjoyed a constant stream of repair trucks followed closely by appliance delivery vans. The new fridge arrived December 19. The clothes washer arrived yesterday. The new dishwasher arrives next Wednesday.

The new appliances are unrecognizable. Take the clothes washer for example. It has controls worthy of the space shuttle. (I think it has I-Drive!) It uses no water, detergent or electricity to speak of and it makes sounds that seem unnatural for an ordinary home appliance. It sounds as if it might be digesting, rather than washing, my clothes. The spin cycle creates a high-pitched whine that I first thought was a prelude to an explosion. It is quiet but spooky. Worst of all, when I press the button, the lid locks shut for the duration. I do not know your experience with laundry, but I have watched the washing machine fill, agitate and spin by periodically peeking under the lid since I was a little boy. A machine that will not let you peek is not to be trusted. Who really knows what it is doing in there, anyway?

All I have left of my original appliances are the clothes drier, cook top and oven. They are gas-fired antiques and ought to last a little longer than the pyramids. Still, I have learned to take nothing appliance for granted. I can almost not wait to see what shenanigans these trusty servants get up to next. I will keep you posted.

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