…
Last week, I found I had free time. I cannot recall the last time that happened, probably because my memory is beginning to go, too. So, I sat at my idle keyboard trying to decide whether to open a branch office or take a nap when the telephone rang. (Or, whatever they call the sounds phones make these days – it made one.)
“Hello?”
“Hello,” crooned a cute female voice. “May I please speak to Mister Hank Burden?” I knew she was cute because I have a sixth sense about such things. It is a kind of biological radar.
Right away, the “mister” put me on alert. I got ready to fend off a sales call.
“You’re talking to him,” I said brusquely.
“Good. My name is Melody and I am calling from BMW.”
“Sorry honey, I just bought one 2 years ago and the ashtrays aren’t full yet.” (I am at my wittiest on these occasions.)
“No, no sir, I don’t sell cars. Your car contacted us last evening and reported a problem with the brake fluid. I am calling to set an appointment to service the car.”
“Uh, my car called you?”
“Yes sir. It’s part of our maintenance plan.”
“And it told you the brake fluid needed service?”
“Yes sir, that is correct. Also, I see here you have not contacted us regarding the recall notice we sent three months ago.”
“Uh, recall notice? Well, I have been busy.
“Of course you have, poor baby. Why don’t we just set an appointment for you to bring your sweet, long-suffering car into our shop and we’ll take care of all these little problems?” She was positively cooing.
“What else did my car tell you?” I was thinking “… that lying rat bastard,” but I didn’t say it aloud.
“Well, nothing, really, just small talk, you know how chatty cars can be.”
“I do now.”
In ten seconds, I had an appointment for early next week. The revelation that my car was chatting up complete strangers while I slept ruined my chance for a nap.
Until I figure a way to control this “feature”, I will be very discreet about what I say and where I go in my car. I have been meaning to ride my motorcycle more, anyway. I am almost positive it doesn’t have a phone.
...
